Why do they wait until a pig is dead before they cure it?

Entertaining! What scares me is - I actually had answers for 6 of the questions!!

-9 degrees celsius

Why does people ask stupid questions in a silly attempt to entertain, rather than to look shit up? Most of these have perfectly rational answers.

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

- He Shaves…

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

- When we press the button we close the connection on the circuit underneath. When the

batteries are fresh the power is strong and the “spark” can jump a few micrometers or

whatever, meaning we do not have to press very hard. As the batteries drain we have to

press harder and harder to make a sufficient connection for the weaker and weaker

charge to bridge the gap and make things work…

Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?

- Because they want to discourage you from overdrafting your account. The fee and the

overdraft will come out of your next deposit, so they know you will pay them

eventually.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

- Because if they hit their head on the side of the cockpit during their rapid

manouvers they might get knocked out otherwise, and miss their target. Then they would

die without completing their mission, which would be wasteful - not to mention stupid.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when

you say the paint is wet?

- Because if you say stupid shit like “there are four billion stars” people are not

going to believe you can be honest about even wet paint. (There are between 10^22 and

10^24 stars, astronomoers estimate.) Okay, actually it is because regardless of what

you might think, people like to know for themselves. As a breed we don’t do well with

learning from other’s mistakes.

Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?

- The old old english dudes. Comes from middle English lispen, to lisp, and from Old

English -wlyspian (in āwlyspian, to lisp), from wlisp, lisping. It is believed to have

been imitative in origin…It is called onomatopoeia and the derived adjective

onomatopoeic: ‘the formation of names or words from sounds that resemble those

associated with the object or action to be named, or those associated with the object

or action to be named, or that seem suggestive of its qualities: atishoo, babble,

cuckoo, croak, ping-pong, sizzle’.

What is the speed of darkness?

- None, since Darkness does not exist, it is only the absense of light. If you insist

on treating it like a separate thing then the same as the speed of light, as light has

to go away for darkness to be there, and light will travel away at the speed of light.

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up every two

hours?

- Because they are talking quality, not quantity. Also because people tend to repress

the bad memories and see children as cute and fuzzy rather than puking disturbing

little homewreckers who deserve nothing but loathing. Thus they remember only the

peaceful sleep, not the frequent waking.

If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow,

how cold will it be?

- Still zero, in reality. In theory we can debate whether or not to compare fahrenheit

and celsius - since 0 fahrenheit is -17.7 degrees celsius twice as cold would be -35.4

C or -31.72 fahrenheit. But of course nobody would count like that, so we have to

assume that “twice as cold” is just a saying, and as such has no logical reason behind

it.

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

- Some studies have shown that married people live longer. Why this is can be debated,

for instance at least one study is done on elderly people alone - in this setting

having two people at home means a timely call to the ambulance in case of accidents

will save a lot of lives. One study says unmarried people are more likely to die

younger, but this can of course be because those that die young have not had time to

get married. In general you will live as long as you will live regardless of your

marital state. if you find someone to look after you, you might just live happier.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to

put wheels on luggage?

- My guess is that in the days when we actually went through the hard work of putting

a man on the moon people were not so lazy that they could not carry their own luggage.

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at

things on the ground?

- Because things look radically different from an alterered perspective.

Did you ever stop and wonder……
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these pink

dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

- Probably the same person who did the same to goats and horses before that. All

mammals drink breast milk, it does not take a rocket scientist to realize that the

milk the calf drinks might be drinkable for humans.

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing

that comes outta its bum.”

- Not a person at all, actually… many animals eat eggs, it is likely we have eaten

eggs throughout our evolution.

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible

crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

- For many reasons, including differences in bread meaning different toaster settings

are needed, differences in cooking conditions (temperature, altitude, humidity)

meaning different toaster settings are needed, and of course various power grid

conditions or aging toasters means you might have to crank the setting up a bit extra.

And of course there is always the crazy people who eat burnt bread. All in all for no

extra cost, it is very smart of the toaster makers to give us a wider range of

settings than we are likely to use, rather than restrict us and risk that some fringe

cases buy their competitors brand instead.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

- Because people don’t run in their freezers all night looking for snacks? Most box

freezers actually do have lights as they are likely to be standing more out of the

way, perhaps in a dark garage or something.

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their

bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Because we need to ask the time relatively rarely, and we get asked the time

relatively rarely. This means there are a lot greater risk for misunderstandings in

the communication. We all go to the bathroom way more often, and as such it is a topic

we have a pretty good understanding on without the explanatory gestures.

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if

they are going to look up there anyway?

- Because the act of undressing can be considered erotic - as seen in stipclubs. Their

role needs to be strictly medical and any confusion about these clear lines can cause

consternation or embarrasment or worse.

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

- Not quite, Goofy is an anthropomorphic dog - which means he is humanlike. Disney’s

cartoons are filled with regular animals of all sorts, as well as anthropomorphic

animals.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

- Testing. (Nobody said English was consequent or logical.)

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is

baby oil made from?

- It is a mineral oil, which is a byproduct in the distillation of petroleum to

produce gasoline and other petroleum based products from crude oil. (Again, nobody

said English was consequent or logical.)

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

- Yes, you could claim it does. Morality is a social construct, and the most vocal

members of the society is usually the ones of lower intelligence - the morons.

However, the question is an stunning example of Fallacy of False Cause or Non Sequitur

(which is latin for “It does not follow”). This is a logical fallacy… Just because A

is true it does not mean B is true if B - as in this case - is completely unrelated.

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

- Because they have both used the tune of the 1761 French melody ‘Ah! Vous dirai-je,

Maman’, which was a french folk song.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

- Yes, it contains just as much nourishment for them as for someone who can read.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when

you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

- If I force you to do something that you would do gladly if it was your own choice,

would you get mad at me? (And of course this is ignoring that blowing in a dogs face

usually means blowing up his nose, which he would be unprepared for seeing as he at

the moment did not have his head out a car window.)

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

- No, but people who are stressed and impatient does not do things because they are

the logical thing to do, they do them because they are emotionally and possibly

mentally unbalanced at the moment. Also some people get into the habit of pressing the

button a few times since some buttons are hard or stick or just does not register the

press on the first attempt. To avoid having to reach over again to press it a quick

few taps increases the odds of at least one “good press” will be made.

I love you frank

frank, you take things way too seriously.

Why is frank such a douche bag?

frank…..you completely ruined every joke…..congratulations.

Cause that weird uncle touched him in a place that he’d later have to describe to a police man using a doll.

I’ve gotta say, all he was doing is answering the questions. The people getting angry at him are acting like bigger douches than he is.

And Frank, good work on that, I’m glad I don’t have to do it myself.

I got one

Why do douche bags waste 30+ minutes of their life trying to bastardize a joke in a feeble attempt to try to act cool and get laid, when in their hearts of hearts they know it just makes everyone in the room hate them.

Frank : - it has nothing to do with intercourse the people who do that just crave attention and want to be noticed and the subject of discussion, either good or bad, but they fail to realize the anonymity of internet makes it impossible for any real acknowledgment on a two bit forum.

Dear Frank,
Please stop taking yourself so seriously. Last time I checked this was the internet. You do not receive any bonus points in life for ruining this amusing thread. You are as big a tool right now as you were before you started shitting on someone’s good time. Also, Debaser, feel free to put frank’s balls in your mouth and swish, gargle, and repeat. You may now both get lives, and stop masturbating to picture of one another shitting on the enjoyment of others.

Yours truly,
Chris

Thanks Frank, most of these stupid lists of “funny” questions drive me absolutely nuts, because they are so stupid.
Seriously, who honestly thinks that baby oil comment is remotely funny?

To be fair, I found Frank’s responses a lot more entertaining than the “jokes”.

Frank is a total dick. MOST OF THE WORLD IS RETARDED!
Smart = Sad and mean
Dumb = Happy and peaceful.

lol, frank, thats awesum, the worst part tho, is i actually red the articale, as well as franks explanation, and i have come to a conclusion…frank is an american.
he felt the need to tell u that the French melody ‘Ah! Vous dirai-je,

Maman’, was a french folk song. …i wonder how we could’ve figured it out, without him.

Good god I hate these things. If Frank hadn’t done that, I would have.

If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow,

how cold will it be?

- Still zero, in reality. In theory we can debate whether or not to compare fahrenheit

and celsius - since 0 fahrenheit is -17.7 degrees celsius twice as cold would be -35.4

C or -31.72 fahrenheit. But of course nobody would count like that, so we have to

assume that “twice as cold” is just a saying, and as such has no logical reason behind

it.

– Well, actually Frank, heat energy is measured in Kelvin. If it was 0F (about 255K) today, it will be -230F (about 128K). If it is 0C (276K) today it will be -138C (138K) tomorrow.

If they meant 0K, there will be no tomorrow because all atomic movement has stopped and everyone is dead.

I’m with Frank on this one. Some of these lists can be good, but this one was stupid, and I found myself answering a few of them as I read them.

How can Tarzan shave when he lives in the jungle? Is there a drugstore he can go to to buy razors? Or does he just use a really sharp rock?

Good Job Frank. I laughed more at your comments than at the jokes.

For the record, really sharp rocks work.

common guys, frank completely owned him

Frank-
Here is one of life’s great mysteries, and since you seem to be a rather intelligent being, I was hoping you could explain it for me.
Donald Duck wears only a shirt. Yet, when he gets out of the shower, he wraps a towel around his waist. What’s he hiding?

Donald Ducks legs are exposed, not covered in feathers. When exiting the shower, this area of the body will be inherently cold due to moisture evaporation. Therefore, Donald is not hiding anything, but rather keeping his legs warm until they dry.

Frank you are a complete moron!! When someone tells you to “take a hike” or “break a leg” do you literally do it? Its supposed to be funny, you are not.
Oh by the way Frank…. go jump off a cliff.

Frank ………get a life!!!!

frank, you badass

Frank, you’re wonderful!

I especially appreciated your explanation about why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

And count me in with the people who think questions like these are really dumb.