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The 65 Most Annoying things about the Web Today

annoying web The 65 Most Annoying things about the Web Today

We’ve come a long way on the web today. Or have we?  While we’ve innovated in many areas, we’ve also continued to disregard pre-existing issues. And in some cases, we have also created new ones. Here is my list of the top 65 most annoying things about the web today. They’re in no particular order, but I have organized them into what I consider core groups.

Poor Design

  1. Illegible text. I can’t read that, it’s too small. And what on earth is that font called?
  2. Busy backgrounds.  Oh MySpace, why do you allow users to create profiles like that? My eyes hurt.
  3. Obscure links. I’m confused, can I click on that or not? Oh I get it, you don’t want me to view other pages.
  4. Flyouts that are too large. Holy crap Yahoo!  This is a page within a flyout!
  5. Drop-down menu navigation too many levels deep. OK, if I slowly move my mouse this way first… dammit Jim, I’m a doctor not a magician!
  6. Complicated navigation. I just want to get to that page, the one over there! Oh I see, you want me to complete the maze first.
  7. Abused centerpieces. Aren’t centerpieces supposed to serve as mechanisms for promotion, rather than areas to cram an entire page’s worth of content into itself? Call me an idealist, I guess.
  8. Poor navigation labels. Give me a clue and use labels that make sense!
  9. Clutter & chaos. With no emphasis or information hierarchy, it’s difficult for me to know what to look at, and what to do next.
  10. Ugly WAPs. Many companies treat their WAP sites like a deformed step-child they keep in the basement.
  11. Splash screens. Nice, a road block between your user and your home page.

Unfindable Information

  1. Dysfunctional site search. (Sigh) Why didn’t this site just use Google?
  2. Too many blog categories. Isn’t this what tags were meant for?
  3. Contact info. I just want to speak to them on the phone! And when I say “them” i mean a human.
  4. Invisible sign in. OK, so I registered, but how do I sign in?
  5. Hidden account closure. I guess I’m a member for life now?
  6. Unscannable info. I want to quickly know if this article is relevant. But alas, huge paragraphs, long headlines and no subheadings make for an unscannable chunk of data, and an indigestible piece of gristle.

No Content Strategy

  1. No focus. Yada, yada, yada. Get to the point, what’s your message and what do you offer?
  2. Spelling & grammar. Spelling mistakes are hard to forgive and really hurt credibility.
  3. Ineffective product pages: What am I buying? Why should I buy this? Help me understand, and I’ll move down the purchase funnel!
  4. Outdated. There’s nothing more thrilling than seeing a blog frozen in time. At some point, a landfill for websites is going to be needed.
  5. Small photos. Why would I buy something I cannot see?

Auto-Behavior

  1. Auto-playing home page video. Take note ESPN.com: the first thing I do when coming to your site is scramble to find the video pause button. And that’s when I’m surfing from home.
  2. Auto browser resizing. And you did that because?
  3. Customer service nags. Ironic really. Chat pop-ups appear like genies out of a lamp when I don’t need them.
  4. Theme tunes. Got to love that auto-play music, especially when it cycles over and over and over, and over.
  5. Auto opt-ins. It seems like an automatic opt-in is a contradiction in terms to me. No I don’t want your newsletter, and if I did, I’d opt-in.

Evil Forms

  1. Unreadable captchas. Pure Evil. If I had a brick, why I would…
  2. Too many fields. This is utterly exhausting. Oh forget it, I’m going to abandon this form.
  3. Cryptic error messaging. OK, so I made a mistake. If you used English, I might be able to fix it.
  4. No confirmation. Was I successful or not? I’m looking for anything here, a “thank-you”, a “job well done”, a “good boy”… anything that confirms the form was indeed a submitted form.
  5. Too many constraints. I want to add my Canadian zip code, but you’re validating against the US format only!
  6. Too small fields. How I’m supposed to enter my street address in that state-sized field?
  7. The reset button. Do we really need this? I especially love it when I accidentally press “reset” instead of “submit”. It’s especially satisfying when it’s a long form.

Intrusive Advertising

  1. Pop-ups. And that includes those fancy, flashy, moving, hard-to-close ones. Are you serious? This is 2009.
  2. Interstitials. Thanks for adding another click and creating a barrier between me and your content! Give me a reason to leave, I dare you.
  3. Flyouts via links in content. Oh darn, I didn’t know that was an ad! Thanks for punishing me.
  4. Too many Google ads. I know there’s some content around here….
  5. Long video pre-rolls. Is this ad ever going to end? Hang on; I forgot what video I clicked on.
  6. The bus stop. Home pages that resemble bus stops — flyers, posters, graffiti all shouting at me. Sometimes, I swear I can even smell urine.

Accounts

  1. Remembering user names and passwords. Seriously, how many do I need to keep track of? Just give me Facebook connect already!
  2. Being forced to register for purchases. I just want to buy it, OK? Forget it, I’m going elsewhere.
  3. Forced password reset. I just want to know my password! The one I chose but have forgotten. I know you know.
  4. Getting locked out. I get the three-attempts-and-you’re-out idea, but it would be nice to know the rules before hand!
  5. Password sent by “snail mail”. I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry. Should I expect a scroll to be delivered and read by a messenger?

Abuse

  1. Spam. We still cannot cure this disease?
  2. Viruses. If I was a conspiracy theorist, I’d say the anti-virus companies were creating these. You know, supply and demand and all.
  3. Phishing. Particularly sneaky; and definitely a step beyond annoying.
  4. Trolls on messageboards/blogs. Oh well, that’s life I guess – art imitating life and all.
  5. Fake profiles. Am I following the real Steven Hawking on Twitter? It says here he went bowling last night.
  6. Facebook app invitations. For the thousandth time, no I do not want to play Mob Wars, and no I don’t want a “pet in an egg” either.

Technology

  1. Explorer 6. I speak for all developers here, if there’s a plug attached, please pull it. RIP Explorer 6.
  2. Plug-ins. Not only do I have to download another plug-in, I have to keep these things current!
  3. Entire sites built in flash. I don’t get it, why?
  4. PDF overuse. Why couldn’t this PDF just be a web page?
  5. Dell’s Netbook trackpad. Designed to be web browsing device, Dell’s Mini 10 trackpad has a trillion bells and whistles, but cannot fulfill basic tasks like moving the cursor from point A to point B without going to C first.
  6. Small netbook screens. While mobile devices have optimized views for their screens, Netbooks and their 9 and 10 inch screens are caught in a weird place.
  7. Inconsistent colors. Optimizing colors and contrast across both Macs and PCs is a designers nightmare.
  8. Charging for Wi-Fi. Provide it free of charge, and the patrons will come!

Waiting

  1. Slow page load. OK that’s it, I’ve been patient and their 3 seconds are up.
  2. Comment approval. I thought, I articulated, I commented, I waited. Nothing.  That will teach me to contribute.
  3. Black-hole between ordering and shipping. I took me 5 minutes to order this laptop, why isn’t it getting shipped? Should I place my order again? Should I cancel this order? What’s the order status?
  4. Twitter is down again. I’m starting to think this is a feature. One akin to a long line outside a trendy night club.
  5. Customer service. Since I cannot get a human on the phone, a 24 hour response time to my e-mail is not acceptable. Well look at that, I guess you just quantified the value of my business.
  6. Submission timers. I saw this really great article! I know, I’ll post it on Reddit. And there’s another one, I’ll post that on Reddit too. What, I have to wait 10 minutes to post another article? That will  teach me to contribute.

If browsers were women and dudes

If browsers were women

if browsers were women s569x1250 12173 580 If browsers were women and dudes

If your browser was a dude.

Firefox

geeks If browsers were women and dudes

That’s right, of course Firefox is a geek. Not necessarily that much to look at from the outside. But woah there Nelly, once you get those cargo pants off and take a peek under the spongebob squarepants boxershorts this dude is HUNG. And, if you’re into it, he’ll totally do all sorts of nasty s**t that he learned from the 10 years spent jer**ng off exclusively to online and DVD filth. You know, before internet dating actually worked and he could meet a woman from so far outside his social circle she will never find out that in high school the football team made him drink his own urine from the toilet.

Safari

web guy If browsers were women and dudes

The web guy. This is the first man you dated post-college who wasn’t still working at the same lame-a*s job he had in college. That means he had good clothes, clean hair, and some money in the bank – while retaining most, if not all, of his youthful optimism. Sadly, CSS2, Ruby, Ajax and a bunch of other acronyms for s**t you don’t care about has left him robbed of all sex drive, and more perplexing, he seems unable to converse about anything that exists off the internet. Like, not even the weather. Eventually you dump his sorry limp a*s, and go back to dating the guy who still works as a waiter at Ho Jo’s but loves to go down.

Internet Explorer

ebusiness If browsers were women and dudes

If your ex, Web Guy plays his cards right, he may turn into the similarly emasculated, (but hiding it very well) Web Entrepreneur.

In the 90’s these guys were called EB2B specialists, or E-business, but they quickly realized that shit sounded lame. Following four years spent “discovering his strengths”, read: fired from early dot com, subsequently lived in parents basement jer**ng off to online p**n (see geek) which he watched on Internet Explorer – truly this man is a cypher. Anyways, after 4 years in ‘reflection’, out he crawls with sexy stubble and an airtight business model printed on high quality A4.

It’s so easy to hate this guy – with his jargon and his crummy taste in wine, that he thinks is awesome, because he read all about wine on About.com. But the real reason to hate him is that he invented Spouse 2.0. That’s right, co-dependence – reloaded.

Opera

rusty If browsers were women and dudes

Opera is Rusty, the lame scientist dad on the Venture Bros. You want to like Opera, but he’s balding and he’s whiny and he takes to long in the bathroom and when he comes out it really smells. But he pretends like nothing happened in there and proceeds to put his hands on your breasts, and smell your hair deeply.

And all you can think is “Rusty – did you wash your hands after taking that enormous dump?” But rather then asking, you just pack all his stuff for him and leave it in the hall when he comes home from work the next day. He still doesn’t understand why you harshed on him and blames you for the fact that he is so totally socially inept and has bad hygiene.

Chrome

neo1 If browsers were women and dudes

Chrome is Neo. He believes he lives in an elaborate hologram. Need I say more?

Source1, Source2

Earths Facebook Profile

earths facebook profile 1 Earths Facebook Profile

earths facebook profile 2 Earths Facebook Profile

earths facebook profile 3 Earths Facebook Profile

Source: Andrew, College Humor

Idiots You’ll Meet on the Internets

If you fall into one of these Internet stereotypes, kindly choke on your caps lock key.

interdouche 1 Idiots Youll Meet on the Internets
The IMDB message board name-dropper
Sites affected: IMDB. Also popular on other movie and music sites.
We love IMDB for its ridiculously thorough catalog of TV and movie knowledge, but stepping into their forums is like walking into a video store with a million pretentious and insecure clerks behind the counter that cast judgments on your taste in movies. But by far the worst part is the throng of unconnected schlubs who do nothing but mention how they don’t agree with some of the choices Marty made in The Departed, or how they can appreciate how Quentin and Robert must feel about the general public not understanding the three-hour inside joke they called Grindhouse.

The people who post “FIRST!!1!” in every comment thread
Sites affected: Perezhilton.com, Break.com, just about any site with comments.
Making a post like this is basically like coming right out and saying, “I have nothing better to do than sit at my computer and wait for someone to update this blog.” What’s worse is when a bunch of people get in on the act and the first 10 comments on each post are the same useless word. In fact, if this article gets posted anywhere with comments (we don’t have them for a reason) some smart guy will try to pull this. You can be sure that that person has never seen the bathing suit area of the opposite sex.

The guy that gives something everyone loves a one-star review
Sites affected: Amazon.com, any site where grumpy users are allowed to write reviews.
A world where everyone completely agreed on every subject would be boring, but it might be slightly better than our current world in which contrarian blowhards can’t resist the call of the one-star review button. Check out this example on Amazon.com. Irate user, Jabber, is mad because the characters on South Park are badly drawn. Is it a valid point to be made? Maybe. Is it reason enough to go on a public forum and rant like a maniac? Probably not.

interdouche 2 Idiots Youll Meet on the Internets
PeOplE ThaT Typ3 lIKE ThIS
Sites affected: Craigslist.com, eBay.com, any site where 13-year-olds are allowed to type.
We can understand ignoring some grammar, punctuation and capitalization for the sake of laziness, but typing like that travesty of a headline actually takes longer than just typing normally. Just think about how much you have to use your friggin’ pinky. Plus, you have to factor in all the time it takes thinking, “Should it be ‘InSANe CloWN PoSsE’ or ‘INsanE ClOWn PoSsE’?” Add in these knuckleheads’ tendencies to end everything with a Z and use words like “wut” and “dat” and you have the perfect method for making people think that you’re a total asshole with nothing of any value to say. Unless you’re on the My Chemical Romance forum, in which case you’re golden.

Facebook poker
Sites affected: Facebook.com
You don’t call people on the phone if you have nothing to say to them. You don’t send your friends e-mails that are completely blank. So why would you poke someone using Facebook? It makes so much more sense to just send a message or, better yet, don’t do anything. If poking was a real-life conversation, this is how it would go:
Some jack-off: Hey, I’m looking at Facebook.
Us: Oh. Cool, I guess.
Some jack-off: Yep.
Us: Did you have anything to tell us, or…
Some jack-off: Nope, just poking you.
Us: Fuck this, we’re going to lurk professional sports cheerleaders that are well above the legal age of consent (let’s see you take issue with that, lawyers) on MySpace.

interdouche 3 Idiots Youll Meet on the Internets
The guy that posts, “This is old” or “Not news”
Sites affected: Tech blogs, Digg.com, Fark.com
When you work in a field as timely as technology reporting, getting scooped is a bad feeling. What’s worse is the feeling of getting called out for being late on something by a guy who has nothing better to do than get fatter and check japanesecellphonesnoonehaseverheardof.com 200 times a day. If you’re so up on your shit, why not start a news site and get in on some of that sweet Google AdSense money? Because you have too much integrity? Probably not. Because you’re too busy getting fatter and watching Battlestar Galactica? That sounds more like it.

The MySpace comment beggar
Sites affected: MySpace
Believe it or not, almost no one is as excited about the picture you took of yourself in the bathroom mirror—holding your arms above your head so you look a lot thinner, of course—as you are. Sending a bulletin begging for people to comment on it is just going to make them even less pumped. If you’re dissatisfied with the amount of love that your MySpace page gets, you’re either a person whose friends prefer traditional methods of communication or a completely insecure douche with lots of huge, sparkly word GIFs all over your page.

Useless forwarder of urban legends and chain letters
Sites affected: E-mail, MySpace, Facebook
We can deal with the endless amounts of penis enlargement and bank notification spam we get every day, but getting a useless and often completely ludicrous message from someone we were nice enough to trust with our e-mail address is a betrayal of the most heinous variety. No, Mars is not going to appear as big as the moon in the sky tonight. No, my crush’s name will not appear if I send this message to 10 people. No, I don’t want your inbox-clogging bullshit making us just that much dumber.

Grammar sticklers
Sites affected: Every site with words.
We’ve already expressed our distaste for purposely nonsensical typing practices, but you can be sure that you’ll never find us going online to criticize people about dangling a participle every now and again. We barely expect the average Internet commenter or message board poster to be able to finish Green Eggs and Ham, let alone know the difference between further and farther.

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